I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize