Will you blow on my dice?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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