I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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