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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...

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• (940): View more from Texas

  you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.

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• (949): View more from California

  it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I came so hard my ears popped.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?

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