Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize