do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
