i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
