The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
