i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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