he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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