u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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