i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
