so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
