The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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