Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
