Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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