Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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