her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
