so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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