You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
