I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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