You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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