i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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