She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
