I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry about my life...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
