Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
