it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
