If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
