so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
