I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
