All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You made out with two different species that night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
