11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
