whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
