I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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