my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
