i was born a porn star she said
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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