are you so shy because you have an std?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
