I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize