Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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