I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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