After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
