totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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