apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
