so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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