i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
