this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
