please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
