so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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