Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
