hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
