just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
