I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
