he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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