I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize