I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it's like iHOP with fire
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
