Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
