I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
