i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
