I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize