wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
