i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
