Your dad touched me again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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