My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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