I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
