Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
