tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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