So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
