I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
