I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
