Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
