Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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