Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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