Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
