His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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