Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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